Random Picture Evidence...

(Thanks for the idea, Cap'n!)

I was attempting to clean/unpack a few boxes since I actually got more than 3 hrs of sleep last night. I have felt like a slackass for the past few days due to Super Zombie Mom sticking around longer than I had hoped for. I came across a few packs of photos and photo CDs...and I got happy. I thought I would share the love a little here.

This was taken while I was a Rope Course instructor at the reservation school that I used to teach at. One of my fav students EVAR started calling me Freakishly Amuzing (she has a knack for great silly nicknames) and I took it as my school year scrapbook title. (I have thought about making it my blog title, and still may...I should get rid of the Smith, though, I don't carry that name anymore)

The Royals of Randomness (several years ago)

The Royals, last year.

Sir Geek and Lady Drama Llama:

If you'll notice, Drama Llama is soaking wet..the story here is that we went on a day trip to Echo Lake, west of Denver. (the lake is just short of the peak, sits at about 11,000 ft) The day was awesome, air temp was 70 in mid-july. We spent the day walking around the lake, climbing trees, being silly and getting photo evidence of the whole time. DL thought she would be funny and toss handfuls of lake water on everyone all day.

HaHa

She tossed more water on SG than anyone, so he set her up. He got Little Geek to sit on a rock at the edge of the lake and holler at DL to come look, a FISH!!! As she leaned over to peer intensely into the crystal clear water...SG stretched out his cowboy-booted foot and pushed her in. It was only about 2.5ft deep, but she tumbled and got soaked. The best part is that the water was approximately 45 degrees. She didn't throw water on anyone the rest of the trip.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Hmmm, I wonder if this event led to her strange aversion to being splashed with buckets of water the other day...

Nah, I think she's just a Royal Drama Llama.

AMG...I have fostered life of the green persuasion!!

Looky looky!!!! I have a REAL live (at least until I eat it) Banana Pepper!!!

It smells nummy, but I will have to tell you how tasty it is tomorrow since I am about to gnosh on berries and cream with the hubby!

And in other news, despite all accounts, Drama Llama can actually be nice to her brothers! I have PROOF!

Ok, so it didn't last long. Shortly after this photo was taken, she reverted to her Royal P.I.T.A self and pitched a fit when her brothers tried to start a water fight with her...when it was 95 degrees outside.

WHAA WHAA WHAAA poor pitiful me!

>.<

I think I am going to make this pic my desktop background so I have a reminder that she is really is a good kid...sometimes.

RAWR

Super Zombie Mommy...RAWR!

For some reason, last night my body refused to cooperate with my steady sleep schedule.

I went to bed with SG around 10pm, as usual. Instead of drifting off to sleep i lay there, awake...twitching like a frog on hot asphalt. I kept waking hubs up and felt bad because he works and stuff. He goes to bed so early because he has to be out of the house by 5am in order to commute 45 minutes and be at work on time by 6. So instead of causing my love intermittant sleep, I got up, threw on my snowflake robe and trudged into the living room. I trudged because I REALLY did want to go to sleep.

For the next 3.5 hrs, I read blogs...well, mostly I guffawed about Allie's stories and drawings at Hyperbole and a Half.

When it got past the 2:30 am mark, I figured I ought to try and sleep again.

 No Dice...sigh.

I think I finally fell asleep after the hubs left, somewhere around 6:45.

Long story short:

Rosie+less than 6 hrs sleep=Super Zombie Mommy.

RAWR!

I got up around 8:30 to tell the kids to eat something light to hold them over because I felt like super zombie mommy and needed to get a little more sleep. I told them I would make brunch when I got  up and moving.

My 10 year old, The Bubba, looks at me and says "what's brunch? are you gonna eat our brains?"

/facepalm

I laid back down, but the cursed perky eastern light streams into the window directly over our bed. *cry*

Brains or Pancakes?

Hold the phone!!!

Great news, all! I finished a project...and the world hasn't ended!! WOOHOO! 

 >.>

Don't get me wrong, I am, in no way, implying that my little crafty projects determine the fact of anyone's world besides mine.

I just have this pathological inability to complete things that I start out REALLY wanting to do.

Perfect example: the fully beaded traditional northern buckskin regalia that I started 15 years ago...it sits 3/4 of the way done in a box, in storage...

Oh, that's just one thing, you say...

NOT.

It's everything that I start doing (that is not work or family related). If it is something that I feel really strongly about doing, then WHOOOSH...I am off like a flash to get started on it. That fervor continues until the thing is passable, but not finished...usually about 3/4 of the way. Then, poof, the motivation to complete said project takes a permanent vacation to some gorgeous medieval, Mediterranean villa to lounge and chuckle at my ineptness (is that a word?) I have a collection of partially completed artsy things that haunt my dreams and remind me that I am a "chronic postponer".

Well, ghosts of crafties past, I fart in your general direction!

Its only a small part of a large project, but I finished it, by golly, and I am happy!

I started this 16th century fully-boned, tabbed corset in Aug of 2008 to wear under my 16th century merchant-class court garb.

 (I am an SCA-er, and a historian, and perfectly happy to dress up like a lady...on occasion)

I promise I am not scowling at my daughter while she takes this photo, the sun was in my eyes...honest.

>.>

What you are looking at here are 20 hand-bound eyelets. My fingers still aren't completely over the abuse they received whilst I worked on these, but at least they're talking to me now.

This was actually not the part that kept me from finishing, it was the trim along the bottom tabs...

 also hand-sewn

>.<

Yes, I am a little bit crazy.

So how did I managed to complete this thing? I made a deal with myself.

 No blogging or MMOing until I was finished.

 I am not above bribes.

I think I am going to have to come up with something involving chocolate for the next step...a 16th century "hoop skirt", a farthingale, complete with six rings of boning to support the winter-weight dress that I am also 3/4 of the way done with.

/sigh

Baby steps, Rosie, baby steps.

Just because...

I was tooling around FB, trying to get caught up with everyone and found a pic of the hubs and I that I don't have a copy of anymore on my aunt's page! YAY!

The Lord and Lady of Geekdom.

<3 this man!!

Oh, and in reference to the earlier post...SG's Caller ID for me "Sexy", his ringtone...

"Sexy Bitch"-Buck Cherry

teehee...giggles

Hot Mama...

I have to admit, I have a bit of a body issue.

This is me at 16. I weighed 108lbs (most of it was in my bust)

18 months later I had my daughter. I lost most of my weight after I had her.

Then I got pregnant again, and again, and again. 4 kids in 8 years.

I didn't overeat, in fact I ate only what i needed to. The kids and the preganancies were not the only reason I gained weight. I had two very difficult relationships that ended badly. I lost who I was (I am still looking, btw)

The last 15 years have not been kind to me. Stress=layers of goo that refuse to go away unless I am constantly moving, no matter how healthy or little I eat. I have the metabolism of a hippo...or as my very hillbilly neighbor (whom I adore) said, I am "a snapping turtle at the bottom of the pond". Low resting heart rate, low blood pressure, low respiration, low body temp, which all translates to my body doesn't burn anything I take in, ESPECIALLY if I am stressed, unless I am in a fast paced job like waiting tables. I can't do that anymore. I don't mind the work, but I like being at home with my family at night, especially during the school year. I also partially tore the miniscus in my right knee...but most of all, I put myself seriously in debt to have a career that may or may not get back on track. (Don't get me wrong, I will do any job that I need to in order to take care of my family, I just have my preferences)

Anywho, back to the post. >.> I ramble, its my thing.

As you have probably noticed, there aren't many pictures of me on my blog.

There's that one, in the garden, blech.

As of the last time I was anywhere near a scale, I was exactly double my weight in the above picture.

DOUBLE.

Here's the thing. I have always been confident in my abilities, my skills, my personality etc...looks, not so much. I have hated the way that I look for a long time. I hate that I have a belly flap, just skin, from having so many kids. I hate that I have rolls, like a bakery rack. But my dear hubby, Sir Geek, loves it. Loves ME. Can't imagine me at 160 lbs, let alone 108. Thinks I am dead sexy and reminds me of it daily. He calls me beautiful, sexy, amazing, and I wave him off, like "ok, right, whatever". But I know he means it.

My hillbilly neighbor and I had a chat last week while sitting by the pool watching the kids have a blast. He said "I noticed that you never get in the pool. Why is that?" I told him that I would rather not scar everyone for life, tyvm! He said, "What??? Gimme a break!" I just looked at him. His wife is a big girl, she had a hysterectemy 10 years ago and gained quite a bit of weight and hasn't been able to lose it, either. But she couldn't care less. She'd like to weigh less, for health's sake, but she thinks she's hot....so does he. She'll get all dolled up to go out in a miniskirt, cowboy boots, and a lowcut shirt and all sorts of sparklies. She looks SEXY! HB told me, you know, you've had a crazy life and have given birth to 4 kids...the weight you carry may not be what you prefer, but its a badge of honor. How you look is all about how you feel about yourself. Well, I usually feel like a burlap sackful of potatoes. That explains why I look that way most of the time.

Hmm.

I know I am not the only one.

I have so many friends that I know feel the same way, as do quite a few bloggers that I have read.

So what happens when we stop trying to be who we were at 16, 17, 18...22, 25, 30, etc and just BE us. ALL of us, all 200+ lbs of ourselves? Don't misunderstand me, its not healthy to be overweight, don't go binging on donuts, or chips, or whatever your choice of posion is. I eat healthy, I love to cook, I use fresh foods, usually organic if I can find it. I don't eat a bunch of processed foods, I barely eat sugar. I know my insides work well. Its my outside that has an issue. Would I like to weigh less? Well, duh. Do I think obsessing over the fact that I don't look like the above picture is healthy? Hell no. I realized that as long as I fret about it, I will never be motivated to do anything because all my energy goes into worrying. (I am also a worrywort, its another of my things, drives hubby crazy) I want to be happy being who I am and not have it all dependent on my looks. I am a smart, funny, talented, creative, well-spoken, loving, caring, kind, respectful, strong, independent, sweet, outgoing, outspoken, adaptable, silly, well-educated, well-rounded (HAH) easy-going, proud, not-too-proud, friendly, likeable, respectable woman that loves to cook, sing, dance, laugh, play, love and has an amazingly wonderful family and friends that really couldn't care less about how much I weigh.

Why isn't that enough?

Well...it should be.

It's gonna be.

What made me start thinking about this?? Hehe

"Hot Mama"-Trace Adkins *fans self*

Heard it in the car on my way to the post office this morning.

Go listen to it. Watch the video, (its a little racy, no kids is probably a good idea)

I love my Geek. He thinks I am one Hot Mama.

Well, I think so, too.

<3

A Cutesy Post...

So, Father's Day was great, spent a good portion of the day at Sir Geek's dad's place. Three generations of those boys in one place with the women that love them eating and hanging out...most definitly a good day. We went 4-wheeling around the 10 acres or so and petted the beautiful horses that his dad has. We had planned to go riding, but it was 104 degrees....in the shade...too hot to saddle up the poor beasts. ;o)

The best part of the day, however, had to be waking up to cards slipped under our door...here's the ones from the youngest 2, stupid scanner died on me so I can't post the others. They're great.

Hope they make you smile like they did us!

Who is less than a smart one?

THIS chick! *points at self accusingly*

For those of you that don't know, I live in Mississippi and have started a garden. I have been really good about watering in the early morning so that the water is absorbed before the major heat of the day starts...but guess what I KEEP doing? Trying to weed, at 12:30...duh! I think the heat melts my brain daily and makes me forget just how much it SUCKS to squat over super-heated dark soil, fumbling around attempting to foil the crabgrass's plot to conquer my little patch of green heaven!! Bleh

On the other hand, I now have nearly 20 tomatoes growing! YAY! So what if they are less than an inch in diameter. I haven't killed them yet!!! Huzzah!

The watermelon and cucumber plants are spreading like crazy, and both have tendrils started, as well as a few blossoms...sooo, maybe fruit soon?

Everything else is taking its time. One thing I am definitly learning from this experiment is PATIENCE, something that has been seriously lacking in my life for a while. Although, it is pretty nifty to wake up early to water and see all the overnight growth and blossoming. Funny thing is, the tomato plant that fruited first (Better Boy) is the shrimpiest one of all! All of the others are at least 2.5 ft tall, most are almost 5ft...BB is only 18 inches.  I hope he hits a growth spurt soon!

Yes, that is my chubby, bright-white self with my middle son, the Bubba. He's always eager to help mom, especially if it makes him look better than his lazy brothers. >.>

I love this pic!  :o)

I hate hurting people...no, really.

Why does it seem to be that when something is really bothering you, or is a long standing issue, the only way to get a point across or stand up for yourself is to hurt someone that you care about? I hate it. It makes me feel like a tiny, shriveled up little raisin. Bleh.

Why, oh why...

when the house is calm and quiet and I am the only one awake, do I feel the need to look up people from my past? Some of them I miss, its cool to get in touch with them again. However, that was not the case last night.

The story:

I log into FB once more before bed to check on my baby-having brood of friends and the ones battling sickness and I glance at the section for Friend Suggestions, just cuz, its there. Well, guess who is their suggestion for me tonight? My ex-husband, whom I haven't heard from (except to email me that his oldest brother passed from liver and kidney failure due to a lifetime of alcoholism...which is the ex's biggest vice) since January of 2009. We had been divorced almost a year, separated almost 3 and I finally got fed up with his calling at weird times (when the kids were definitly not available) so I told him that I would no longer answer the phone when he called, he was to call and talk to the kids, and not expect me to entertain him for 2 hours and then blow them off. When I sent the email, my dear hubby, Sir Geek, made a bet with me, that if he couldn't talk to me, he would stop calling entirely...I acted all optimistic, "no, he loves his kids, he'll call them" even though he had only really talked to them 10 times in the 3 years he was in Iraq....needless to say, SG won the bet and now gets to remind me constantly how he can read the ex like a book. He never called again, only responded to an email I sent about him overdrafting our joint account that he refused to close.

Anywho...so, last night, like a goob, I clicky-ed on his little grinning thumbnail, and see nothing but AMGFarmVille on his wall...until about halfway down where I see a picture that he was tagged in, cheesin' it playing with another woman's 2 year old son...broke my heart a little.

Not for me, I loved him with all I had, lost a lot of myself trying to make our marriage work, let my kids down when I fell apart everytime he sent me on a rollercoaster ride from hell. But I have moved past that, I don't hate him, couldn't...its not in me to do so. (heck, I am even on speaking, tentative friendly terms with my ex fiancee that left me 11 weeks pregnant with a 1 yr old at 19 for one of his many flings) A little bit of the heartbreak was for my kids, but only a little. They're amazing and resiliant and absolutely adore SG, they don't ever ask or talk about him anymore. The older two harbor some hurt and anger for both their bio adopted dad, but that will be something that they have to be willing to work on.

Surprisingly, most of the pain was for him, the ex, the guy grinning it up, playing with another boychild, that for all I know could be his. He has no idea what he has lost and allowed my dear SG to enjoy with my crew of royal pains. I see my kids laughing and playing and loving on SG and myself with such freedom that they never felt around their father. They were scared to try and get close to him, because he would always shut them out just when they got comfortable. That is who I felt the pain for. He doesn't seem to care, there's been no emails, no attempts at phone calls, no letters, nothing...Is there something wrong with me that I am so empathetic that what should bother others gets to me more?

Then I look at my family again, and my heart lifts.

Pool+12 kids=mayhem in the making!

Go Figure...

When I started this little gardening endeavor, I tried to do everything "right". I read the information on all the heirloom seeds that I acquired and tried to follow the directions. I started my seeds in doors when there was still a possiblity of frost. I started each set of 2-3 seeds in their own little individual greenhouse cup, complete with organic soil and starter fertilizer. BUT they all died...TWICE!!!! I started a total of 50 plants, 25 at a time, watered and cared for them, kept them inside until they were big enough to be set oustide a little while every day...and they died...all of them. Wilted into teeny, little, sad reminders of my tendency to kill green things. I fussed, and whined and fumed and "RAWR"ed until I almost gave up. I bought allready started plants that seemed like they would do well and I was less likely to destroy them. (They're doing well, by the way...4 plants are at or over 4ft in height!)

But I still had all of these heirloom seeds left over from my disastrous experiment...what was I going to do with them? On a whim, I bought 2 18" wide, coconut-fiber-lined, hanging baskets at Dollar General, filled it to about 2" below the rim with sorghum peat and organic potting soil...and tossed a handful of Cream Sausage (a yellow-white paste tomato) and Green Zebra (green with orange stripes roma-type) into each and said "to heck with it!" (I actually think I said something more colorful and witty, but darned if I can remember, /sad face) That was, ooooh, 3 weeks ago or so? I have watered them, or nature has (we've had a series of nasty storms a-rolling through here lately) but haven't really checked on them since I "washed my hands of them" and they were above my line of sight.

What do I see when I tippy-toed up to see what I could see?

                                                                Cream Sausage

Green Zebra

I left them alone, and they grew...Go figure.

/sigh

A little bit of green...

But more than I have ever been able to grow, EVAR!!

For those of you that don't know, I am attempting a small vegetable garden patch this year. The soil in Mississippi is well-known to be great for tomatoes and such. I am a tomato lover, if I could eat tomatoes every meal, every day...I would. Soon, my dream will come true! I hope...

In this little patch of green heaven I have 8 varieties of tomatoes, Roma, Lemon Boy, Mr. Stripey, Better Boy, Sweet 100, German Johnson, Black Krim...and one more, I can't remember!! It'll be a Surprise Tomato! :o)

I also have a small yellow watermelon (far left, out of pic), Ichiban eggplant, Red Onions, Vidalia Onions, Cherokee Yellow Wax Beans, pole beans, sweet peas, cucumbers and maybe some beets and Black Seeded Simpson lettuce will choose to grow where I sowed them...I am afraid to weed the row where they are...not sure which is grass and which is veg!

I will definitly need to learn to can if all of this grows! :o)

Serendipity...

...finding something amazing while looking for something else entirely (paraphrased definition)

What now?

As I look back over the last 15 years of my life, I see drastic changes in my goals and desires. I used to want to be an actor, a dancer, and artist, a photgrapher...but always knew I would be a teacher...I love to learn. I love to read, I love to figure new things out, I love interacting with young people, I love seeing "the lights" come on. How better to do all those things than to teach, right?


As my life changed, the one thing that was a constant was the fact that I knew that I would always have a job as a teacher, and, for the most part, I thoroughly enjoyed that. I have met so many wonderfully amazing, painfully gifted, naively sweet, too-old-for-their-age, try so hard to be unique that they become cliche kids that I know that I have blessed many times over. I have been in the classroom for 8 years, I have seen too many changes in education and society that are detrimental to our kids that I feel like the teachers that really, truly care about kids are flickering in the hurricane force winds that are coming on strong.


I always identified myself as a teacher, mother, wife...in that order...who am I? The Draea, the ME, that I always wanted to nurture to vibrant life and share my sunshine with the rest of the world?


I have noticed a disturbing trend in my life...every time that I start something that I think that I REALLY, REALLY want to do...I don't follow it through to completion. Every hobby I have picked up has been left by the wayside...unfinished, undeveloped, unfullfilled. Even as a teacher, I have only skated along at the minimum as it relates to education, skills, requirements...the only thing that I have given my all to is the emotional lies to my students. They're all my kids, even that obnoxious ones that make me contemplate dirty deeds. I haven't even given that depth of connection to my own kids, my wonderful hubby that has kept me standing through so many pitfalls, my nuclear or extended family...and most especially, not to myself. When asked what I want to do....silence, what do you like?.....silence, what makes you happy?....tears, and silence.


I don't want to live this way anymore I want to enjoy the little things, thrive in life...be proud of not only my kids, but myself. I need some direction in my life!


Wow, this was a depressingly long post...I guess I needed to get some of the gunk out....deep breath...so now what?

"I look like a purple-haired Velma...."

"...I LOVE IT!!"

Jessika's New Do

Jess has been bugging me for 2 years to color her hair, even if it's just a temporary dye-job. I had a can of Chilled Plum color mousse just hanging out in one of the boxes that I have finally unpacked, so I did her color and trimmed her shaggies.

Ok, yes, I fail at blogging. I started using FB to keep everyone updated! I PROMISE to post something more at least once a week...maybe my garden trials and errors? Maybe my new family pics? Any ideas....HELP!!